Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize