omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
