She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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