A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
