So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
