I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
