We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
