just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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