Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
