I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
