Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i will never coherently bang her
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize