i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We got so high we made milksteak
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
