would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
