Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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