I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
