He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
