So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My balls are so social today.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize