i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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