so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
time to smoke my breakfast
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
