note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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