Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
