its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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