I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
