While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
