A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
