The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
