I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
