Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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