Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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