Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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