I feel like I'm in dance class right now
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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