Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
