OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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