oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
