so that wasnt chicken after all
I cannot find my penis.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
