I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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