I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
