I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
