He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My liver just had a heart attack.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Two words: nipple clamps
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