So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
