I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
