What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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