please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
