just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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