Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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