Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
