I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
