I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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