No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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