I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He shit in the fireplace
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