How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
