i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
