Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
