I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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