looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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