I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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