I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize