I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
