I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
