Who did Billy Mays play for?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
