Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
