the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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