If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
