Cold hands, warm shart.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
