break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
no, he came in my armpit
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
