did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
