dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
